Teams: Communicating, Personal Responsibility, Building Trust

“I don’t know how to support my teammate. I am the effusive type, positive, outgoing and often the cheerleader.  The problem is my tennis partner does not seem to appreciate my tactics.  What am I to do?”  This question was asked recently in a tennis workshop with elite women.  “Have you ever asked how your teammate needs to be supported? Perhaps what works for you does not work for her and you need to amend your tactics”. Silence. “I never thought of that…”. 
We do have the answers, they are within us however sometimes we just get in our own way.  The essence of communication is intention which is the opposite of expressing everything that is going on one’s head. Take the above example, if this woman’s intention was to bring out the best in her teammate, she may have come to this realization on her own.  We need to park our agenda in our communication and get into the world of our teammate. It starts with listening...listening to understand. If teammates want to outplay themselves, to achieve greatness in their sport it begins with the synergy between teammates.  In each moment we have the possibility to bestow the greatest gift, that is of support of another. When we feel supported, and trust that our teammates have our back, we’re more willing to take risks, make mistakes and know that the relationship can survive and most likely thrive in the face of this. 
Years ago, I had the opportunity to coach a team that did not have the strongest track record in terms of results. Expectations for this team were quite low yet we managed to win the playoffs and podium at the provincial level.  Upon finishing the season, one of the athlete’s came up to me and said, “thank you for always making us feel good about ourselves”.  The other coach and I made this a mandate at the start of the season. If we could support these athletes, if they could feel that we had their back just maybe they might outperform themselves and this they did in spades. 
I have recently discovered the world of pickleball.  What I have noticed is when playing with certain partners my game steps up. Conversely, when I play with someone whose angst is felt every time I connect with the ball and I sense my partner saying a small prayer that this shot will work, my playing diminishes.  It works the same way on the soccer field, tennis court, rugby pitch…your teammates feel/sense/hear your angst.  By cleaning this up, by seeing the unworkability of this dynamic and by having a genuine supportive attitude toward your teammate you will make a difference and a positive one.  If you feel emotionally triggered on the court, this an opportunity to get curious. A growth mindset allows one to rise above their emotional state and rather than react…respond.  I challenge you take 100% responsibility for your relationships. Be 100% responsible for how you show up in those clutch moments and what comes out of your mouth. Know that by taking on this personal responsibility you are creating fertile ground in which trust is built.
It’s not a strategy, it is a way of being.